Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Unhelpful thoughts

I'm inundated with unhelpful thoughts--within painting and without.  These thoughts keep me from painting, and they hinder effective painting.  They say I should find the perfect song to paint to, and having found that perfect song, they say I should find the next perfect song, and the next, and the next.  They say I should check my email or Facebook or reddit.  They say I should keep looking for the perfect color to start with, and find the perfect area of the canvas to start the work.  They say I should go for a run or lift weights or watch a documentary.  They say I deserve a break, they say it would do me good to sit on the couch with the cat.

And in the midst of painting, they say, "That brushstroke wasn't quite right, better fix it."  They tell me this painting will never be good, they tell me I've never painted anything worthwhile.  They tell me no one really likes anything I've painted.  They tell me I'm not really good.  They tell me I'm not good enough to impress a stranger.  I'm not good enough to make a living from painting.  They tell me I'm a phony, that anyone could do it, that I'm just fooling everyone.  They tell me I'm going to fuck up what I'm working on.  They tell me I'm not a real artist, they tell me I should be able to paint this or that--epic battle scenes, delicate fairy wings, whatever it is.  They tell me a real artist would be able to paint those things.

And those are just thoughts.  I don't have to do anything with them.  I can just notice them.  I can thank them or laugh.  But I don't have to check my email.  It doesn't matter what I listen to.  It doesn't matter what color I start with or where I put it.  All that matters is that I'm there with a picture and my supplies and I'm putting paint on a surface.

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